I was recently going through an old journal of mine, written over eleven years ago and found this interesting portion, which I decided to share today.
I am very pleased to be writing this journal. I have tried in previous years to keep a journal, but I found it difficult to be faithful. I pray that this year will be different. It is my year of new beginnings, a second chance (or rather, another chance) at being a child of God in truth & in deed. I need this journal to keep my sanity & to keep a record of my life. Also, to track God’s faithfulness to me. I know He’s faithful but my memory is always so short!
January 1! It is well. I want to really get to know God this year, through prayer & fellowship, taking simple, faithful steps! Even if I have to crawl day by day. Pastor says we should MOVE FORWARD! This year. If you can’t fly, run. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. Whatever you do, just keep moving! This is a good one. God help me. I read Psalm 1 today – blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly. I must not walk in the counsel of the ungodly. Amen.
I want to write a novel this year. I want to be faithful to God this year. I want to take it easy – really live this year, instead of watching my life pass me by. After all, I am already over 40! I have lived half my life already. I owe it to myself to make the best of the rest – whatever is left!
I can’t believe it’s been a week already! So much has happened, I’m not sure I can capture everything tonight – it’s after midnight & there’s work tomorrow. Anyway, I thank God for His mercies. The road to reunion with Him hasn’t been too easy. The fellowship is not coming easily. Most of the time I feel I’m fighting a brick wall, and my prayers are not going beyond my mouth. But I’m pushing it. I want to keep pushing it. In the midst of it all, I believe God is ministering a few things to me. I ought to put them down, so that I won’t forget. Human memory is so short, it’s deceitful. Well, the messages so far, are:
– don’t put the traditions of men above the word of God, e.g. a man is to leave his father & mother & cleave to his wife: that is the exact opposite of our culture that says the man remains with his father and especially his mother, and the wife must cleave to all of them together!
– the first fruits : you should honour God with the first fruits of your increase – in terms of your 1st pay packet in January and also in terms of what you do in the month of January , dedicating it to Him. The first things belong to God. Also in terms of starting the day with Him in prayer and praise.
– You can’t quit now. You can’t give up now. No matter how terrible your situation is, you can have a new beginning. This is the year of new beginnings. A year of moving forward. Don’t get bitter or cynical because of your previous experiences. Don’t shut people out. Don’t shut God out. He can and will bring you past this period or chapter of your life. This is just a chapter and there are more chapters to be written in the book of your life. If this one is bitter it doesn’t mean the other ones will be. God has good plans for my life – Jer. 29:11 (Lord, I believe!)
I’ll try to write more often, especially now that the bigger kids have gone back to boarding school (today). I miss them. I’m a bit stressed emotionally though. I have a new house help. Don’t know what to make of her yet. I’m a bit apprehensive that she might not be able to look after my daughter very well. She slept off while watching her tonight and my poor daughter came downstairs to tell us. I couldn’t believe it! What if they were home alone? My daughter can be up to all kinds of mischief. She needs to be monitored closely. God help me.
Work continues tomorrow, after the tsunami of terminations! The strategic meeting of Saturday was painful. As usual, focus was on the inefficiencies of our operations. I want out of this department; maybe I can do better elsewhere. I don’t see us getting out of complaints. What can I do to change things? Any hope of improvement? It is well. It has to be. So much pressure in this job. And the home front is not fine either. No quarrel, but there’s always one brewing under the surface. Maybe everything is my fault. I don’t know what to do to improve things. It shall be well.
I’ve got to go now. School resumes tomorrow. The new girl has no idea what the process is, so I have to get up early. It is well. Father, bless my today. Bless my tomorrow too. My times are in your hands. It is indeed well.
I can’t believe a whole month has breezed past! The last month was hectic and I struggled with various emotions – sadness, frustrations etc. I didn’t have a reliable help at home, I found it difficult getting ahead in my project at the office and my daughter was ill for most of the month! I thank God things are falling into place now. I have another help, hoping she’ll do well, my project is still on the plate but there’s light at the end of the tunnel now. I am still praying every day, though some days are better than others, and now I know I also need to pay attention to studying the word and really having a relationship with God, instead of just being religious. I am not giving up. I am pressing on – that I may know Him. I’m reading a book currently – a fiction novel, but it is Christian fiction and it is ministering to me – Robert Whitlow’s The List. I believe the name of Jesus is the Name above all names. He is my refuge and my fortress, my strong tower, my glory and the lifter up of my head. It is well. I am praying seriously for hubby’s job quest and we’re beginning to see results. God is good. At the end of everything, we will have a testimony. Amen. Lord, teach me to be thankful, teach me to praise You always. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
I believe in God the Father, Maker of the Universe and in Christ His son, my Saviour, born for us by virgin birth. I believe He died to save me, for my sins was crucified and from death He rose victorious, ascended to the Father’s side – Jesus, Lord of All. Amen.
I can’t believe time has flown by so fast! This is already the 3rd month this year and I don’t see things slowing down at all. It is well o. It is well with me. I am very happy to announce that hubby has landed the sought after job at last. Thank you Jesus, it is Your glory! You did it for us. I am very grateful, Lord. You see my heart. In the same vein, I believe you will do my own too, no matter how difficult it looks. You are the God with whom all, ALL things are possible. Amen. Thank you for this time out. Thank you for delivering me from trouble at work. You were there, Lord. You saw what happened. You will protect me and not allow us to lose this money. We live in uncertain times. Help me, Lord, as you have always done. You are my shelter and my hiding place. You deliver me from trouble! Arise on my behalf and fight for me, Oh God.
I certainly am not where I would rather be with God but I’m pressing on, not giving up. My Heavenly Father has been good to me in the midst of all my trouble – He has not left me, not even once. Not even when others would misinterpret His message to me – when they would say I’m unworthy of His love – He still loved me and stuck by me, regardless. You see, the truth is I never was worthy of His love and I would never be – for while we were yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly! He loved me, He loves me and will forever love me, Amen.
Father, I use this opportunity to thank You for your love for me – though I don’t deserve it – You have loved me with an everlasting love. Thank You for turning my captivity – like Mephibosheth, like Jehoiachin, like the lepers who found a deserted camp – in the twinkling of an eye, I am moving from having nothing, to having everything. May I never bring shame to Your Name, Amen. Like Joseph, like David, You’re moving me from prison to the palace, from the fields into the throne! Amen. I believe to see Your goodness in the land of the living – my soul shall make her boast in the Lord! Amen. Already, Lord I see the signs, the day of small beginnings. I am awed, Lord and I humble myself before You Lord, in thanksgiving. Ha, Lord, You have made the heavens and the earth. Nothing is too difficult for You!
I give You praise! I give You praise! Lord now, and always, I give You Praise….Amen.
MY PRAISE SONG
I will lift up my voice in praise of Your name
I will cry out with joy in my heart
Who has answered my request?
Who has filled my heart to overflowing?
Tell me, O daughters of Zion,
Who has wiped my tears away?
Who has given a song in the night?
Who has heard my nightly cry?
It is He who set out the heavens
He who neither slumbers nor sleeps
It is He who hears my painful whisper
It is He who beckons, “Be still”.
I lift my voice in sweet surrender
In praise to His holy, exalted Name
Who can share my joy & laughter
Who can shout the loudest in worship
He has made me lie down in green pastures
He has restored my soul
My soul has found His word & eaten it
I revel in the Love He gives me
I am glad to say of Him who made me
There is none like You, Oh God of Heaven
There is none like You, Oh God my Father!
(Written by Kikelomo Kuponiyi)
Like David, the Psalmist, may all our encounters with life always end up in praise, whether or not the issues have been resolved. May we always find cause to rejoice and give praise to God. As it is written, ‘In everything, give thanks’ (1 Thess. 5:18).