I cling to you;
    your strong right hand holds me securely. Psalm 63:8 NLT

When all is said and done, I keep coming back to this point in the ongoing pandemic, whose end is yet to be determined. I can only go on because I have God’s strong right hand holding me securely! I cannot assume that I am the only one who has “suffered many things” during this pandemic. I am very sure every one has their own story. Even my teenager jokingly told me that she has stories to tell her children from this pandemic.

Pain can be very isolating and personal. So, even though I know I am not alone in this pandemic, my pain is very personal to me. And it doesn’t always feel so raw and in my face. But when something else goes wrong, it all comes back like the last straw that broke the camel’s back. And I ask, “God, what? This too? I have too much to carry already!”

The truth is, He never expected me to carry everything by myself. The right thing to do was to lay it all down at His feet, according to His instructions, to cast all my cares on Him because He cares for me. But I have this bad habit of hoarding my troubles. I carry them to my chest, I hold on tight, not letting anyone help and certainly not God. No. That would be showing weakness. I am strong. I can carry it all, can’t I? I like forming fine.  Maybe I attract trouble to myself, because He wants to show me that I  can’t carry all. I am not meant to carry, but to lay down. To come to Him with my weights and burdens, with my labours, and lay them down at His feet.

It is not easy for me. The instruction, if followed, means that you surrender all to Him and trust Him to take care of them. That is a bit difficult for me. Because I know that He doesn’t always do things the way I want them done. When I lay them down, I have no idea how He’s going to sort it  out. His solutions and methodology are not always to my liking, even though they might be the best way. I like my way. I would rather have things my way.

That is wrong, I know. As a parent, I tell my children that they can’t always have their way, because in many instances, I have more knowledge and experience than they have. My advice is rich and safe and coming from maturity and experience. Why then, is it so difficult for me to trust God who made me? He is good and He has good thoughts about me. Why do I not trust Him?

I guess it is from past experience. Some things have happened that I cannot understand. My “why” has not been answered, so I doubt. Will He really? I know He can but will He? He may have done it for others, but will He do it for me? I recently came across the concept of lamentation. Lamenting to God and telling Him exactly how I feel, without holding back or mincing words. I understand that He can take it. He can take my lamentations without lashing out at me, because He is good.

He received the lamentations of David, of Jeremiah, of Ezekiel, of Abraham, even of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. I am allowed to lament. It is healthy to do so. How else will He know how I feel and what is going on with me? How else will He sort out my pain and show or tell me some of the “why”? At the end of every lamentation, there is always a sound of praise, of understanding, of surrender. A statement of acknowledgment that although I may not understand what is going on and why this happened but You are still God and You are good and I will praise You all my days. David did this very well. If God were angered by lamentations, David would not have lasted.

So, this week, I am taking up lamentations. There are some things I need to lament about. Get this load off my chest and lay them at His feet. I need the relief. I need the comfort that can only come from Him. I know His strong hands will hold me up and I will not fall.

What about you?